I grew up with some people that I'll never forget. Good ones and bad ones. Believe it or not, there are even some that are no longer with us. Shit happens, I grew up with some people that I'll never forget. Good ones and bad ones. Believe it or not, there are even some that are no longer with us. Shit happens, people move on, they show their true colors, and life goes on the way it's supposed to. Sometimes it's sad when it happens, but what can you do? A huge part of myself that I'm working on is learning not to dwell on things that I can't control and that includes the people I have around me. I've got too much to lose and I'm glad that I can immediately see when something or someone isn't good for me.
I've found that friends are like a breath of fresh air when you never knew you needed it. It wasn't about who had something that you could get into every weekend or people that would buy you stuff and give you money if you needed it. I'm terrified to ask people for anything. I'm almost always to the point of tears when someone thinks of me enough to offer me something. You could surprise me with a piece of gum and I would appreciate it because in my mind, I don't think I'm that significant to even be on someone's mind.
I have plenty of friends from back home that I haven't seen since high school, but the love is still the same. At one point in my life, I saw how hectic life can get and you don't always get the chance to hang out with everybody or link up. We're adults and we have responsibilities so we can't just drop everything and frolic with them all whenever we feel like it. Life pulls us in all different directions and I get that. I totally understand.
I have my lifelong friends like Shelly who I clicked with as soon as we met at HSTA camp (she has one of the purest souls I've ever met and it always felt like she was a long lost sister). That time in my life was critical and in the back of your mind, especially when your social life has been put through the ringer, you get a little suspicious when people are so nice to you. But, there were never any ulterior motives. Then I have sandbox friends that I still deeply care for no matter where life takes us like Amber that I will always lend a listening ear to if she's battling some demons (it's been a priority of mine to check in on her every once in a while because I know all too well that life can become too hard to bare sometimes).
Then I met people at Goodsons', both young and old, that made it seem like we had been friends for eternity. Considering everything I was going through at the time, I never realized how much I needed that.
When I moved to Huntington, the only two people I knew were Thomas and Tia. Tia has always been awesome. Our moms grew up being best friends and when I was pregnant with Draven, she was always there for me. Even on the day he was born, she rushed to the hospital in her scarf and pajamas and crashed on the bed next to mine. She stuck by my side and even helped me with Draven.
It wasn't hard to figure out who was real and who was fake when I got to Huntington. I don't know if it was because of the fact that I was older and knew what to look for because I was in a totally different environment where I felt like I had to watch or if it was because there were some truly different and genuine people than the ones back home.
My friend Angie is amazing. I met her when I was working at Huntington Health and Rehab and she made me feel good about myself all the time, the way a real friend is supposed to. I take a lot of pride in the fact that people don't see me as a baby because of how much I've accomplished this far in life even though I NEVER give myself enough credit (you should hear my meltdowns about not owning a house already). She even showed up at my wedding and I recently found out that she's dating a guy that grew up next door to Thomas (talk about a small world we live in).
The same goes for Whitney and Sophie. They pump my head up about my accomplishments like you wouldn't believe. I know they would both give me or my babies the shirt off their backs if we needed it. Sophie reminds me so much of my mom and Whitney has mended my heart on two occasions (with both of my fur babies Masha and Journey). I know that they probably don't think so at times, but they're both truly amazing people.
On a more professional and personal level, my bosses, Patty and Maril, two women that I quickly saw were humble in every sense of the word, were kind to me from the moment I met them. They showed me that nursing was different than what I saw before. At my other jobs and even at my current one, I saw how fast people will stab you in the back. But here, I feel love when I walk through the door. I know that where ever this journey through nursing takes me, my name will ring bells throughout the medical field because of what they've taught me and how seriously I take my job because I know it reflects back on them. They've helped mold me into what someone once said I could never be. Of course I also have people like Lisa and Gail (who supports this blog and keeps up with my posts).
I can't forget about Abbie, who reminds me so much of myself. We're both young women, trying to take this life day by day. We may fall sometimes, but we get right back up and get back to it. We may fall apart some days, but we quickly pick up the pieces. And we may cry, but we do it standing up so we can wipe away those tears that occlude our vision just so we can make it another day. One minute we're doing the Time Warp at the front desk when we're supposed to be these youthful and sophisticated nurses but the next minute, we're running through the halls, like chickens with our heads cut off because we can't comprehend why someone would give us a license to be in charge of 60+ people for eight hours because we feel like we're so incredibly unstable. But I have to say, we pull it together pretty fast and hold it all together at work just like we do with life.
I used to think that I didn't need friends and sometimes, being social scares me and makes me incredibly nervous. I'm pretty sure I always had a mild form of paranoia. Sometimes I'm a mess when I think about human interaction and it all stems from being friends with all the wrong people. Friends love and care about each other no matter what happens. I've searched all my life for unconditional love and it feels like it's all been coming at me from the most unexpected places.
I found peace with myself when I stopped trying to conform to what people thought I should be. I quit trying to be that black friend that only listened to rap and be loud and obnoxious just because my friends were doing it. I was much happier when I just decided to enjoy the things I liked whether people thought it was strange or not. I was always afraid of doing that because I would get teased, but I love everything about being so different now. I learned that real friends are curious about what you like and are willing to be educated about things they never explored and that helped me open up more than I ever did before. Having better friends made me love myself more and I never thought that would happen.
I don't feel like a good friend at times because I still have that fear of making someone mad, but I'm learning more and more every day. This blog had helped me open up about my problems and I hope that they all can understand that I am working on myself. In the end, my ultimate goal is to feel like I'm as good to them as they are to me and I feel like I'm getting close.
