Chapter 11: I Wanna Be Yours

It took Danny and me a couple of days to get over the initial shock of Rachel being pregnant. I was happy for the two of them. After all, they had gone through Hell and back in order to be together. They really deserved this. They’d make pretty damn good parents and I was excited about the fact that they had chosen us to be the godparents. Danny didn’t really have much to say about the

situation. He mostly kept quiet whenever I started rambling on about it, but I guess that’s just how guys were. My guess was that he was probably deep in thought, but I didn't try to bug him about it.

C: WAKE UP!!!

Candace had been blowing my phone up all morning thinking that I was still asleep. We had an hour before it was time for us to get on the road, but Danny and I were already packed and I had been too excited to sleep the night before. So while Danny was nodding off, he cuddled up next to me with his head on my chest and his hands wrapped around my torso, occasionally stroking my stomach with his fingertips. “Babe, stop,” I giggled, “that tickles.” He stopped, but one of his hands rested on my stomach, just below my belly button.

“When will we have a baby?” he asked gently. I sat straight up in bed and looked at him as if he had sprouted another head. “Why are you asking me this?” I asked, trying to keep myself from raising my voice. It was hard to not get worked up over something so insane. Damn, could I even get my senior year started before getting locked down for life?

“Because. Yesterday you were all happy about Reggie and Rachel being pregnant, but every time I even mention the word ‘baby’, you get pissed off or you get all defensive. Am I not good

enough to put a baby in you?” By now, my mouth was hanging wide open and I couldn’t believe that after almost two weeks of spending time with each other, he was acting this way. Trying to start an argument over something that neither of us were ready for.

“Danny, what the hell is wrong with you?!” I shouted at him, “I can’t believe that you would even sit there and think that you’re not good enough for me. If that were the case then I wouldn’t have been laid up in your bed day after day, helping you with laundry and the dishes. You're fucking crazy! I wouldn’t be doing any of this shit for someone that I didn’t love!” And there they were. The words that he had been dying to hear and as soon as they came out of my mouth, his expression softened. We were standing on opposite sides of the room yelling at each other at six in the morning.

He walked around the bed and tried to pull me into his arms and I rejected him. “No. Since you think that I don’t think you’re good enough for me to carry your baby, then when we get down here to the beach, make sure your ass sleeps on the couch!” I quickly pulled one of Danny’s large black V neck shirts from the clean laundry pile and I bent over to grab a pair of my blue jean shorts from

my suit case. I slid them up over my legs and before standing, I snatched up both bags. I was prepared to take my luggage and storm out of the room, but as soon as I stood up, the room spun around me in a million different directions and I just knew that I was about to hit the floor. “You’ve gotten yourself worked up and now look what happened. Your blood pressure might have gotten too high,” he said, holding me in his arms. “Get your damn hands off of me! Let’s go!” I yelled as I stormed out of the bedroom.

I raced down the stairs, not wanting to even look at him because I was still outraged by the conversation that we just had. I had never acted as if I was too good for anyone and sadly, not making a difference between people was one of my downfalls. I worried so much over the last few days that I wouldn’t love Danny and give him my all as much as I loved Dean and it scared the shit

out of me. I could be nice under the right circumstances. I would treat a homeless person the same way I would treat the president if I ever got the chance to meet him. I was so tied up in my thoughts that by the time I reached the parking lot, tears were streaming down my face and I felt like I was walking a mile a minute. I was almost to the door when I felt Danny’s hand grab my arm, firmly but gently at the same time. He spun me around to face him and reached down to loosen the grip I had on my bags. “You can’t go anywhere without the keys,” he said bending down to pick me up. I wrapped my legs around him while my back was pressed against the car, but my arms remained folded and I still refused to look at him. “I don’t find anything funny,” I spat at him. He grabbed a hold of my chin and pressed his lips against mine. I couldn’t fight him. I had to melt in his arms and forgive him.

“How long has it been since we started all of this?” I asked him. “Going on three weeks and you’re already having a meltdown on me. It sounds like somebody is having a little bit of PMS,” he joked. I balled my fist up and hurled it at his chest and it was probably the equivalent of a small child punching him. “It’s not funny. I can’t believe you’d say something like that. If we’re having problems like this now, then how are we supposed to make it a few months from now?” I asked with tears swelling up in my eyes again. This worried me. Would he leave me hanging if he wanted something that I wasn’t ready to give him? Or would he just go behind my back and make it happen

anyway and then I would be left looking stupid? “Syd, I’m with you and only you whether you’re ready for something like that or not. It’s not going to change how I feel about you.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against my neck, kissing a trail from my jawline down to my shoulder, moving the collar of my shirt out of the way little by little. “I know you don’t think you’re getting off that

easy?” I asked him while fighting the urge to moan. “Get in the car. We don’t have time for this,” I said in between moans as he slid his hand between my legs while holding most of my body weight up against the car with the other.

“We can’t start our vacation with you being mad at me,” he sat me down on my feet and I was prepared to scoop up my bags and climb in, but he had me trapped. “Get in the back seat and lose the shorts.” My eyes grew wide from hearing his demand. My whole mood changed and slowly a wide smile had spread across my face. I leaped back into his arms and pulled him into the back seat with me. I swear, this man was going to be the death of me.

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I expected the ride down to North Myrtle Beach to be smooth and easy, but I was wrong. Having Danny meet my parents officially was a little lukewarm before we left. Dad warmed up to him and they talked for what seemed like an eternity. I had no idea that Danny wanted to become a mechanic and that he worked on his car constantly. I just figured he knew how to change the oil from just picking it up from someone. It made me feel a little better about our relationship knowing that the two of them had hit it off. As for Mom, she acted like she despised the idea that her daughter was finally happy.

She was detached the entire time and greeted him with a dry expression and half of a handshake. As for the actual car ride, we had to pull over four or five times because I got car sick. It was odd considering that I had never ever been car sick a day in my life. It even got to the point where I had to curl up in the backseat just to lay down when we stopped in Virginia. Despite the horrible nausea and vomiting, it was soothing to be able to lay down. I had offered to stay in the front

seat with Danny, but he insisted that I lay down.

Just as I had closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, I was dreaming.

I was standing in front of the mirror to his dresser when I looked down at my hand so find a dazzling silver and gold wedding band shining back at me. It was dressed from side to side in elegant diamonds with one large one sitting on top. The feeling this ring gave me was so incredible that it would have knocked me off of my feet had this have been in real life. I glanced at my reflection again and no longer was I the same seventeen year old in the same tiny frame that I had grown accustomed to. I was visibly older, but in a good way. Not at all like the aftermath of years of partying and drinking like I always expected. My hair had just a few inches chopped off of it to where it brushed my collar bones and my bangs were neatly fluffed over my right eye. Beneath the long sleeved button up pajama shirt that I was wearing and that I assumed was Danny’s, I found a large supple pair of breasts that were evenly rounded which was extremely unusual.

They would have had to come off of a surgery table. They were at least a double D. When I traveled even further down my body, I found a wide set of plump hips. I couldn’t see my hip bones anymore, but that didn’t matter because I had an even rounder ass to go with it that I noticed once I turned to the side. I knew I had to be dreaming. I would have had to eat my weight in fatty foods and steal a liposuction needle to make all of this happen. I had never had this much weight on me and I loved it. It made no sense to me at this moment why girls complained about being fat. I would have killed in real life to have an hour glass figure with all of the added extras.

I tip toed through Danny’s apartment, searching for him to share my new discoveries and strolled into the living room where he sat, flipping through the channels. He looked over at me and smiled. I stopped in my tracks just before I could hop on the couch and curl up in his arms and he came over to me. He was just as beautiful in the dream as he was in real life. His gray eyes drew me in and I

wanted so badly to lean in to kiss him. It was amazing to dream like this. He held my hand and looked down to the floor. I was too captivated by his dream-like features to notice the warm, wet sensation coming from my vagina, streaming down my legs, and pooling at my feet. When I looked down, my heart felt like it had completely fallen out of my body. Blood covered my legs, feet, and the familiar white carpet. I wanted to scream, but my voice was gone and all I was doing was mouthing words. Danny’s facial expression changed once more and as I mouthed the words, ‘Help me,’ his hands were around my throat and every breath I had was leaving my body.

Just as I was beginning to feel lightheaded from lack of oxygen, I woke up.

“Sydney!” Danny shouted, scaring the shit out of me. I was shaking and gasping for air. I started grabbing at my throat to ensure that this was only a dream. It had felt like a dream and a flashback all at once. The same thing happened when the news was broken to my ex about the miscarriage. “You stupid bitch! You killed my baby!” he yelled before tightly wrapping both hands around my neck and lifting me into the air. I knew that it was going to be the end for me, and if he would have held on for just a few seconds longer, it would have been all over. And I don’t think I could say that I would have cared. It would have gotten rid of all my troubles and I wouldn’t have had to live such a tortured and cursed life. Just thinking about all of that plus the dream overwhelmed me and I began to sob. Immediately, Danny was in the backseat with his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to his body. “Shh, we’re here. I’ll take you inside and bring the bags up later. I’ll take care of you.” Those words stuck to me. No one had ever offered Sydney

any help. No one ever thought about taking care of me. No one but Danny, in the time that I needed help the most.

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The dream really had me shaken up and for the first three days and nights, it was the only thing that stuck in my mind. I couldn’t maintain my focus long enough to do anything else. I couldn’t even gather my thoughts long enough to think about anything else. Danny clung to me constantly. I believe he thought that I wanted to break up with him. He asked me questions every hour on the

hour about whether I meant that I loved him or if I still loved him or not. Love was an understatement. He was there for me and that was what mattered the most. I knew that I couldn’t wander around aimlessly for the rest of my life, with the same risky behavior and

alone. With the way my heart was set up, I couldn’t live like that.

I was secretly beating myself up because I could feel myself slowly sinking back into my old ways, wanting to isolate myself as a way to cope with stress. I was in a full blown relationship with Danny now and I promised him and myself that I would take things seriously and not push him away. I had to give myself a little credit for realizing that I was screwing things up again. I was particularly proud that I was able to work on it a lot quicker than I would have done a month ago. He cared about me and that also meant that I didn't have to cower like a dog with my tail between my legs when things got tough.

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In the early hours of our fourth morning there, I quietly crawled out of bed, leaving Danny’s arms, knowing that he hadn’t slept much and I was careful not to wake him. I made my way through our little beach house and tip toed past Candace, who was passed out on the couch, and stepped out onto the deck. She had been generous enough to give us the bed because couches and floors were more comfortable on her back. I had a thin sheet wrapped around my arms to shield myself from the light and chilly breeze coming off of the ocean. I had been so spooked since the other day that I really didn’t get a chance to stare out into the ocean and appreciate everything there was to appreciate about the beach. I sat down in the patio chair and it wasn’t long before I felt the same familiar pair of strong arms curling up around me. I felt safe and secure and now all of the issues that I had with the dream were slowly drifting away from my mind. I was thankful. He stepped around in front of me and pulled me to his chest. He sat down and then I claimed a spot in his lap. I rested my head against his chest and listened to the sound of his strong, pounding heart.

“We don’t have to talk about the dream you had if you don’t want to, but I want you to know that you do talk in your sleep. I know that it’s bothering you,” he whispered. Oh no. What could I have possibly said? “Was it bad?” I asked softly. “Kind of. You talked about blood. A lot of blood.

You said, ‘I didn’t kill your baby,’” he said sadly. I was dreading that. “I had a dream in the car and we were married apparently. I couldn’t talk to you when I looked down to a pool of blood at my feet. When I tried to ask you for help, you choked me. Dean choked me.” I didn’t want to admit that to him. I knew it would only piss him off. I always hated that it took so long for me to fight Dean back. I had never been afraid of him, but no one would have ever thought that until after we had split up for good.

"Syd, you know I’d never ever hurt you. Why did you wait four days before you told me anything about it? You know I would have done anything to help you.” I was dreading that part too. I

didn’t want him thinking that I was keeping secrets with him. “I do truly love you. I don’t ever want you to question that.” He smiled and kissed my hand. “I love you too, but now that I know what’s been bugging you and you know that I’d never hurt you, we’re going to make the most out of our little vacation. Your parents have spent way too much money for you to just mope around in the house all day. We could have stayed at home for all of that,” he said jokingly. “Plus, we need to christen the sheets,” he added with a wink.

Typical Danny. Always going the extra mile to make me laugh and smile. I loved it.

And that was it. Danny had the magic touch that it took to completely turn around any mood that I was in. On out into the weekend, we rolled around in the sand and the ocean by day and by night we strolled up and down the streets with nothing better to do than act like a pair of kids that were finally able to get out of the house. Being back home made you feel isolated from the rest of the

world. Being here made you feel free and like you didn’t have a care in the world. I hated to think that we were just visiting and not living here permanently.

Stepping out of Welch every once in a while was pretty fucking fantastic. We never had anywhere to eat besides McDonald's, Wendy's, and KFC. Whenever something new drifted into town, after a few weeks, they were closing their doors and leaving us high and dry once again with limited opportunities to stay out of trouble. The only thing to do every single night was roam the empty streets, avoiding crackheads and prostitutes. It often felt like we were trapped in a fucked up version of Grand Theft Auto. Even when you were minding your own business, the cops would harass you just because they were just as bored as we were. It was enough to drive anyone insane and there were tons of kids we went to school with that weren't lucky enough to get away from there for at least a week or two over the summer.

On more than a few nights like tonight, we'd either stay out all night just to watch the sun come up or we would blast music loud enough for us to get lost in it but not loud enough to have the cops outside because of a noise complaint.

"What the hell is 'Arctic Monkeys'?" I said, scrunching my face up at the band that I had never heard of. "Don't knock it til you hear it," he said with a chuckle. He climbed out of the bed and crossed the room to start another song.

The song seeped smoothly out of the speakers, giving me goosebumps. He stretched his arm out to me, prompting me to get up and dance with him. Without even giving myself the chance to object, I was hopping to me feet to join him. I was kind of nervous even though I shouldn't have been. The goosebumps still covered my skin and my heart was racing.

"This one is actually one of my favorites," he said softly as he guided my arms around his neck and then placed both of his hands on my hips. He took control and swayed our bodies to the music. The closer her pulled our bodies together, the harder it got for me to breathe. "You know I don't dance unless I've been drinking," I said, shrugging my shoulders. I was hoping he would understand if I was as stiff as a board, it was because I was completely sober.

"Don't move a muscle. I've got this," he whispered with his lips brushing against my ears. It felt like I slipped into an alternate universe where I was totally and completely weightless. A knot tightened in my stomach as his hands moved all over my body. He wasn't trying to be sexual, but I was still hot and bothered. He still caused my blood to rush to every intimate part of my body. Everything was well aware of his touch and it was reeking havoc on my mind. My brain was completely scrambled.

I closed my eyes as his hand rested on the small of my back, slowly creeping up my spine, and then gently caressing the back of my neck. He delicately tilted my head to the side as his lips drifted from my shoulder, up my neck, and rested just beneath my ear. I patiently waited for more. I craved his touch. I allowed myself to wind down to prepare to let it all go completely. But in an instant, he took his lips away from my neck, removed his hands from my waist, and chuckled.

He took a step back, admiring his handiwork, and laughed a little louder. I threw my hands up. "What the fuck? What's so funny?!" I said loudly, growing more annoyed and frustrated. I couldn't believe that this had been like a game to him. I was ashamed of the fact that he had practically put me in a trance and got me all worked up for nothing. "Answer me!" I said a little louder. He had stopped laughing, but still had a smile on his face with his arms folded across his chest.

"I don't even have to touch you to turn you on. Damn, I'm good," he said before walking back over to the bed with a grin still plastered all over his face. "You didn't turn me on! We were just dancing!" I shouted in denial. I was usually good at lying, but right now, I was still trying to collect my thoughts to be able to figure out what the hell he did to me. Even though I was trying to burst his bubble, he still left my mind blank and my body wanting more. "Really?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. I huffed and put my hands on me hip. "Yes, really! If I was turned on, you would know it!" I challenged.

"Oh, I know it," he replied. He continued to wear that evil grin. "Change your shorts then," he said, fighting back laughter. As I tried to take a step forward to pounce on him playfully, I felt the warmth in the crotch of the light gray colored shorts I was wearing. Right where I expected, there was a spot that revealed the moisture seeping through the material. My hands flew down to cover it. You would have thought that I peed on myself. "And your headlights are on,"he added. Through the white skin tight tank top I was wearing, my nipples could have put someone's eye out. One of my arms came back up to cover my chest. I might as well have been naked in a room full of people. I don't think it would have freaked me out as bad as this did. My face had to have been as red as a beet. I would have paid someone to shoot me just so I could have escaped the embarrassment.

I scooted to the bathroom as fast as I could, slamming and locking the door behind me. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, trying to catch my breath and collect my thoughts. What the hell was he doing to me? I always took pride in being control over my own mind and body, but here comes Danny strolling along, making me feel things and react to his touch and an incredibly new and different way. Sex was one thing and I knew my way around it, but true intimacy was a whole new ball game that I was striking out in already.

I held my head in my hands and managed to calm my breathing. I couldn't hear anything but the muffled beat of whatever song had started playing next. "Don't freak out," I whispered to myself as I took a few more deep breaths before standing up. I walked toward the sink. "You can do this," I added. I turned the faucet on and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked up into the mirror and saw my reflection, still red-faced and flustered. "Don't be a pussy!" I said to myself through clenched teeth. I took a few more deep breaths with my hand gripping the door knob. I had to calm down. If he knew how shaken up I was, he would never let me hear the end of it. I just had to relax and be bold.