I get asked all the time what it's like being with a white man. Always have since the
moment people found out Thomas and I were together. It's not all good credit and unseasoned chicken like people think. It's not a fetish. It's certainly not being against black men. It's not wanting to have pretty mixed babies with "good hair" and light skin. It's looking past the color of someone's skin and realizing that they bleed just like you do. Regardless of the color of their skin, they're just another human being on this earth. On a more darker note, it's feeling safe when you get pulled over by a white cop with everything happening with black people and cops today and you feel relieved that you have a white person with you and because of that they probably won't hurt you. It's staying silent in situations and letting them speak because you know that the outcome would be a lot different if you were alone because of the color of your skin. It's people shouting that they don't believe in mixing races and "it's just not natural," without even knowing how much you love each other.
Being where I'm from, there are a lot of racists and racism. Like A LOT. But I never had any problems from his family and people wouldn't think that considering where they lived. His family fell in love with me and Draven instantly and haven't treated us differently because of the color of our skin still to this day. I'll admit that it did kind of feel like we were sticking out like a sore thumb there in the beginning. It even felt like that when I would like a white boy back when I was in school. I know some people in interracial relationships always look for acceptance whether it be from society or on a more personal level with their families. Thankfully, Thomas never cared. He always liked me for me and I've always liked him for him.
It's pretty funny because my Granny Bay Bay has been with a white man for as long as I can remember and my Paw Paw Duck had been with a white woman for as long as I can remember. When I first brought Thomas around my dad's side of the family, we were dubbed "Bud and Bay Bay" since they always said I look like my granny (and acted like her). Even more now that I had a white man on my arm.
I really get a kick out of how surprised people are when they see that my husband is white (seriously, I never even bring it up. I just act low key about it just so I can see how people react to me being married to a Charles Manson look-a-like). That shit is pretty hilarious. On a daily basis, we go back and forth about different things we would see, hear, or experience during our childhoods that would be different because of our races. Thomas is still trying to kill the stereotype that white people can't cook.
Everyone always noticed how happy I was and that's honestly what stood out the most. It was never about the color of his skin even though that's what a lot of other people noticed. It was no secret that my sperm donor was mixed (black mother and white father) and everyone knew that I had dated black boys in the past. I never really had a type, but people loved to voice the fact that they, "knew I'd always end up with a white boy."
Stuff like that always just rolled off my back, but people REALLY have me fucked up when they assume that just because I'm with a white man, rasict shit is just going to slide right past me. I came into this world BLACK. I wake up every single day and I'm BLACK. When I walked down that aisle at my wedding, I was BLACK. My heart still feels sympathetic for the struggle that my ancestors and grandparents had to deal with when there was slavery and segregation. I'll never act like it didn't happen and I'll never forget it. I'll still celebrate Black History Month like I always have and embrace the great things that my people have done over the years. Thomas encourages every single part of it.
Being with someone outside of my race doesn't give anyone a pass to openly express how racist they really are, but it's shown some true colors over the years. And what I love about Thomas the most is the fact that he's aware of his privilege because he's white. He knows that he will never have to worry about something happening to his brother at the hands of an angry racist when that thought crosses my mind at least a hundred times a day. He knows that he may never be denied a job because of the color of his skin. He knows that people will never think he looks suspicious enough to follow around in a store because of the color of his skin. He knows that people probably won't hate him for no reason at all simply because he's white. He's never tried to argue that white privilege doesn't exist.
There's never been a single moment in my life that I've abandoned my culture, especially since I've been with a white man. I don't bash black men because I still pray for brighter days for each and every one of them. I'm raising two of them, my fathers are black, and so are my brothers and I'll never forget any of the stories my great grandfather still tells me to this day about what it was like growing up when everything was segregated. It's a misconception that if you date outside your race then you're a "traitor" but in all reality, you like who you like and that's all there is to it.
